The Essential Ingredients for Adolescence

Adolescence is the most dramatic and rapid aging process we go through. It is marked by intense emotions, lots of change, and confusion. Many teens struggle with their identity, self-worth, and the ongoing pressure to have it all figured out.

Adolescence is difficult — and it’s supposed to be. It’s a grieving of childhood and change, a discovery of the world, and a becoming of Self. There are several crucial ingredients for this stage of life, Adolescence.

Here they are:

Healthy struggle + a sense of accomplishment

There’s never been a more convenient time to be alive. You can have almost anything delivered, the world wide web is at your fingertips, and every institution, from education to dating, has been streamlined by technology.

And yet, would you say that people are happier? Better adjusted, or more fulfilled? While of course there are many benefits and a lot of time saved from technology, most data shows that people, especially teenagers, are more depressed and lonely than ever.

Human beings are actually hardwired for struggle.

We are designed to contend with our environment, and to achieve mastery through trials and tests. We learn the most through challenges — this used to look like learning how to hunt and build shelter. Nowadays, it may be achieved through training with a sports team, or pursuing and cultivating a passion. By stretching our limits, building our skills, and committing to something despite discomfort, we become stronger and clearer. Appropriate struggle helps a teen develop mastery, which is essential for confidence. Experiences in nature are wonderful ways for a teenager to learn this.

Witnessing + meaningful emotional connections

In the same way humans are designed to persevere through difficulty, we are also designed to be in connection. Many teenage relationships are formed through performance. Teenagers rarely share their true feelings with friends because they’re too concerned about keeping up appearances. (As was certainly the case for me when I was a teen!) But when we are trying to control how others see us, we don’t experience true vulnerability and thus, true connection.

Teenagers are growing up with social media, a phenomenon that encourages living your life for how it is seen vs. how it feels.

I see many teenagers take this same mentality to every aspect of their life — they are paying so much attention to how they look to others, that they rarely allow themselves to authentically live and connect.

Modeling + relatable mentors

People struggle through transition when they haven’t had it modeled for them. I had no idea how to deal with my issues as a teen because I had no one around me who had conquered them. When I finally met people who had, they were like living, breathing proof that there was another side to the pain. I felt hope and motivation — there was a path out, and they could show me the way there.

When we can place our struggles into the timeline of the human experience we find more acceptance and courage.

We can understand the difficulties as a part of our journey, as an initiation that many others have completed, and know that we will too.

This is why I so strongly believe in mentorship for teens as a key ingredient for their development.

Unconditional love + presence

Finally, the essential ingredient a teen needs to thrive is unconditional love and presence.

Having a base of love — a place to return when they need comfort, reassurance, or guidance — encourages them to step confidently into the world.

It is so simple and so powerful. When we know we are loved, when we feel seen and understood, we are instilled with confidence, self-worth, and resilience.

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