Finding Your Center: Building Your Inner Home
One time, a friend called me out in a way I’ll never forget. I was feeling rejected by someone and spiraling into all-or-nothing thinking. I was saying things like, “No one ever likes me,” “I’m never good enough,” and ““’ll never be chosen.” My friend gently stopped me and said, “You’re talking in extremes. You’re making these blanket statements, and that’s just not true. You tend to do this when you’re not really centered.”
I paused. Oh my gosh. She was right. This was the kind of thinking I would tend towards when I was upset or worried. Everything felt so intense, like there was no middle ground. That moment stuck with me because it helped me realize something important: I have patterns of thinking and behaving that show up when I’m not centered—when I’m operating from a place of fear or anxiety instead of my truth.
It was enough for me to reflect later on, and start thinking about what were tell tale signs I was off center. For example, picking myself apart in the mirror or feeling a wave of urgency—like I had to fix something, go somewhere, or do something right now.
My friend’s comment gave me a way to step back and reflect. I started to pay attention to these “tells” that I was off-center. It wasn’t about fixing everything in the moment, but simply noticing. Those moments of awareness became powerful reminders that I could pause, reflect, and eventually guide myself back to my center.
This story isn’t just about me—it’s about you, too. You can learn to recognize your own signs of being centered—of feeling at home within yourself—and start building that feeling as your baseline. At the same time, you can become aware of the moments when you’re off-center and use those as cues to guide yourself back to that steady, true place inside yourself — your home within.
What Does It Mean to Be Centered?
Think about the times when you’ve felt really grounded and clear. Maybe it was when you were doing something you loved, like playing an instrument or hanging out with a friend who gets you. Maybe it was when you made a decision that just felt right, even if it didn’t make sense to everyone else.
Being centered feels different for everyone, but it often means:
You feel present, not stuck in the past or worrying about the future.
You’re making choices that align with what truly matters to you, not just what others expect.
You feel connected to yourself — you’re tuned into your thoughts and feelings, and you understand what you need in the moment.
You’re not trying to be someone you’re not—you’re just you.
When you’re centered, it feels like home.
A Simple Exercise to Find Your Center
Here’s one way to start figuring out what being “at home” in yourself feels like. Grab a piece of paper and draw a circle, or any shape that feels right to you—it could be a heart, a square, or even a doodle that represents “home” to you.
Inside the shape, write down the signs that you’re centered—times when you feel calm, grounded, or like your best self. Here’s what I and some teens I’ve worked with have noticed
Camille knows she’s centered when she’s focused on what she loves and what truly matters to her, like writing and playing music.
Elliot feels at home when he’s tackling a tough problem in his favorite video game without feeling the need to rush or get it perfect right away.
Emma feels centered when she’s in the moment and laughing with her friends, fully present, not stuck in her head or worrying about how she’s coming across.
I know I’m centered when I feel content, and am not trying to chase something outside of myself.
Iris feels at home when she listens to her gut and makes choices that feel right for her, like staying in to rest when she’s drained, even if her friends are going out.
Next, outside the shape, write down the signs that show you’ve drifted away from your center—when you’re feeling anxious, stressed, or reactive. Some examples:
Camille keeps replaying something she said or did, over and over in her mind.
Elliot avoids things, like pushing off conversations or running from something that needs his attention.
Emma starts comparing herself to other people and feeling like she doesn’t measure up.
I get stuck in black-and-white thinking, where everything feels all good or all bad.
Iris rushes to make decisions, feeling like she has to figure everything out right now.
This exercise helps you notice your patterns—when you’re in your center and when you’re not. Once you start paying attention, it becomes easier to catch yourself in those “off-center” moments and ask, What would help me feel more like myself right now?
The more you practice, the more you’ll learn about yourself. It’s like building a personal map of what helps you stay steady and what pulls you off track.
Your Inner Home
When you start to notice your patterns—like how you think, feel, and react—it gets easier to stop yourself from getting completely overwhelmed by them. The truth is, you’ll still have moments when anxiety or urgency shows up. You’ll still feel stressed sometimes, and that’s okay. But when you’re aware of what’s happening, you can pause and say, “Wait, I’m not coming from my center right now.”
That pause is powerful. It gives you a chance to choose something different instead of just reacting automatically. You can take a breath, step back, and ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more like myself again?” Because when you’re coming from your true center, you know what you need. You have the keys already. When we act from our true instincts—our center—we naturally move toward creating a life that feels good and true to who we are.
This process is really about getting to know what your "home" feels like and building that as your baseline. It’s about understanding yourself—your own clarity, wisdom, and intuition—and recognizing that you have a steady place inside you to return to, no matter what’s happening around you. It’s actually pretty amazing to build that kind of relationship with yourself, where you truly know your own sense of home and trust that it’s always within you.
Developing Your Toolkit
The next step is to figure out what helps you get back to your center, during those times you have drifted away. Everyone’s tools are different, so think about what works for you. Here are a few ideas to try:
Take a deep breath. It might sound basic, but slowing down your breathing can actually calm your body and help clear your mind. Give it a try—inhale deeply, hold it for a second, then exhale slowly.
Do something you enjoy. Whether it’s doodling, blasting your favorite playlist, or going for a walk, doing something that makes you happy can help you feel more like yourself again. I have a specific playlist I’ve created for those times I need to feel like myself again.
Talk it out. Find someone you trust—a friend, family member, or mentor—and share what’s on your mind. Sometimes, just saying it out loud can lighten the weight you’re carrying.
Write it down. Journaling is like unloading your brain onto paper. It can help you sort through your thoughts and feel like you’re putting them somewhere so you don’t have to carry them all day.
Move your body. Whether it’s dancing, stretching, or running, movement can help release stress. Annie, one of my clients, likes to move faster than her thoughts—she says it helps quiet her mind when it’s racing.
Get outside. Step into nature, hug a tree (yes, really!), stand barefoot on the grass, or just breathe in the fresh air. It can be a great reset.
Healthy distraction. Sometimes, a comforting distraction can help. Watch a feel-good show, read a favorite book, or dive into something that lets you unwind for a while.
Plan something nice for yourself. Treat yourself to something special, like a long “everything” shower, ordering your favorite meal, or even planning a solo date. These little acts of care can make a big difference.
Why This Matters
Finding your center isn’t about being perfect or feeling calm all the time. It’s about learning to recognize when you feel grounded and “at home” in yourself—and knowing how to get back there when you’re not.
The more you practice, the easier it gets. Over time, you’ll get better at noticing when you’re off-center and using your tools to guide yourself back. And when you can do that, you’re building something amazing: a sense of home inside you, a steady place you can always return to no matter what’s going on around you.
I named my business Homing Instinct because it’s inspired by a powerful metaphor from nature. Birds, salmon, and even sea turtles have an incredible ability to find their way home, no matter how far they’ve traveled. Like those animals, we all have an inner “homing instinct.” It’s that same ability to tune in, listen to ourselves, and figure out what we need to return to our sense of home.
So, what does your center feel like? What helps you find your way back? Start noticing and exploring. You already have everything you need inside you to find your way home. All you have to do is listen.
